


Untrod

by galerian_ash



Category: Riptide (TV)
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Near-Death Experience
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-20
Updated: 2019-05-20
Packaged: 2020-03-02 09:35:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18808513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/galerian_ash/pseuds/galerian_ash
Summary: A case takes a bad turn, and Cody seems to have trouble coping. Nick does his best to help — but soon discovers that he has no idea what the real problem is.





	Untrod

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tinx_r](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinx_r/gifts).



The gunshots were still echoing in Nick's ear when he finally managed to drop his opponent. Some people had glass jaws, but this guy had one made of _concrete_.

It'd been a tough fight, made all that much harder by the knowledge that Cody was somewhere in that warehouse, exchanging fire with Concrete Jaw's partner. And then the silence that had settled — silence that hadn't been accompanied by Cody coming to back him up — that had been worse than anything.

The fear was what had finally given him enough strength to knock out Concrete Jaw, and now he went racing into the warehouse. Foolish, of course, he knew he left himself wide open to get shot, but it didn't matter to him as much as finding Cody did.

He spotted the other guy first. He was close to the back exit, but had collapsed there clutching his bleeding leg.

"Cody!" he called out, elation and relief buzzing through his veins. It quickly turned into cold dread when Cody still didn't pop up, or even answer. There was a heavy weight in the pit of his stomach, like an anchor dragging him down, as he ventured farther into the warehouse.

He found Cody behind some crates, lying on the ground in a pool of his own blood.

Nick dropped to his knees, a roaring static noise in his ears. Cody was visibly breathing, but his eyes were frighteningly distant and fastened on the ceiling.

Nick swallowed and forced himself to focus. Stomach. He'd been shot in the stomach, and he was still bleeding. Nick ripped off his shirt, sending the buttons skittering across the floor. Cody didn't react.

"Hey, Cody," he said frantically, "can you hear me? Look at me, huh?" He pressed the shirt to the wound, pressing down hard.

Cody let out a groan of pain, and his eyes moved to settle on Nick. "Hi there, big guy," Nick said. "Sorry for hurting you, but we gotta try to stem the flow. Understand?"

A slow nod.

Nick moved to grab Cody's hand — so cold — and made it press against the wound instead of his own. "I have to get to a phone. Call an ambulance."

Cody made a noise of protest, and Nick's heart broke. "I'm so sorry, buddy. I'll be back, I promise you that I'll be back. Okay? So you gotta make me a promise, too. Stay awake till I return."

He reached out to smooth back the hair that was plastered to Cody's sweaty forehead, but instantly regretted it when he left behind a smear of blood.

"Promise," Cody said, voice so quiet that it was barely more than an exhale.

Nick forced himself to get up and leave. He ran, faster than he'd ever run before, as a little voice inside his head reminded him that this was all his doing. He'd been the one who insisted they should take the case even though they were one man short. He'd been the one who was against asking Murray to come home early from his convention, when the case had turned out to not be as open-and-shut as it'd seemed. He'd been the one who hadn't been able to follow Cody into the warehouse. He'd been the one who took too damn long to knock out one damn guy, leaving Cody to bleed out alone. Him, him, him.

He rounded a corner and almost plowed into a group of people. "Call an ambulance," he managed to get out, panting heavily. "The warehouse. Hurry!" He stayed just long enough to make sure they ran towards a payphone, and then he turned back around.

Cody was unconscious when he got there. His hand had slipped from his stomach, no longer applying pressure. The wound was bleeding, albeit more sluggishly now.

Nick pressed the shirt against it again, panic rising when Cody didn't even respond with a pained moan this time.

"Cody, please, open your eyes. Look at me."

He stayed there, pleading with Cody for what felt like an eternity, until finally someone pushed him aside. He sat back and numbly watched the EMTs work.

They carried Cody out to the ambulance and loaded him inside. Nick started towards the 'Vette, intent on sticking as closely to Cody as he possibly could, when one of the EMTs held out the ruined shirt towards him. "I believe this is yours. You should throw it away, though."

Nick grunted and took it, more out of reflex than anything else. It was drenched in Cody's blood, wet and slick to the touch. There was a part of him that wanted to do what the EMT had suggested — he'd rather go naked for the rest of his life than keep it — but if Cody... If this was all he had left of Cody, then...

Nick put it on, just to feel Cody close to him.

\----

The wait in the hospital was a blur. People kept telling him to go home and wait, to clean up, to eat something, to get some sleep. He ignored them all. Distantly he knew that he needed to call Murray, but he also knew that if he did he'd lose it. He had a very tenuous grip on himself as it was; if he had to speak, had to explain what had happened, it'd shatter like so much brittle glass.

And so he just waited. Every now and then someone would come over to tell him what was going on. Surgery, recovery room, and so on. Finally he got the news that Cody had been moved into his own room. He was resting, but if Nick kept silent and didn't disturb him it was okay to go in there.

Heart beating painfully, Nick did so.

Cody was pale as hell, but he was breathing steadily. Seeing that made something inside of him uncoil, and it suddenly felt like _he_ , too, could breathe.

His legs refused to support him, making him sink down into the chair next to the bed. He lowered his head in his hands and just sat there for a long time.

He must've dozed off, because the light in the room was different when he looked up. And — Cody was awake, silently watching him.

He got up and walked over the to bed. "Hi there," he whispered. "How are you feeling?"

"Better than you look." Cody's voice was hoarse and weak, but there was no mistaking the warmth in it.

Nick smiled. "Thanks a lot, pal." He reached out and brushed back Cody's hair, hand drifting down to cup his cheek for one brief moment. "I'm gonna go call someone, so they can check you over."

"Wait," Cody murmured. He raised his hand to grip Nick's, as if physically wanting to keep him in place.

"Yeah? Do you want some water first? I think you're allowed to drink, but..."

"Sorry."

Nick squeezed Cody's hand. "What for? You've got nothing to be sorry for, you hear?"

"Broke my promise." Cody's words were getting a bit slurred, and his eyes were starting to drift shut again. Nick was almost grateful for the latter, as it gave him opportunity to blink away the tears that suddenly made his vision fuzzy.

"You're awake now," he said softly. "And you'll be okay. That's all that matters."

\----

It had been the truth; it was all that mattered.

And so he was happy when Cody got to come back home. Happy when he healed up completely, and the three of them could start taking on cases again. Happy... except not.

Because Cody very clearly wasn't happy.

It made sense to act a bit strangely after such a close call, so Nick tried to be patient and wait. Tried to just _be there_ if Cody needed him, but at the same time made sure not to push.

A decent enough plan in theory, but it wasn't working out. That much was clear when Cody — for the third time that week — got up in the middle of the night and left their stateroom.

This time, Nick followed him.

Cody was up on deck, standing with his arms crossed and staring out over the dark water. Nick deliberately made enough noise to be noticed, but Cody didn't acknowledge his presence.

"Can't sleep?" he finally said, which was an idiotic thing to say, but he had no good lines in store.

"Sorry for waking you."

"You didn't.

Cody sighed. "Yeah, I know. Guess I'm not the only one who can't sleep around here."

"Guess not." Silence settled back down, but it wasn't the usual companionable silence that they sometimes shared. This one felt oppressive. "So," he forced out, "see anything interesting out there?"

"Just thinking about something I once read, before I dropped out of college. A poem."

Nick raised his eyebrows. "Yeah?"

Cody seemed to hesitate for a moment, before answering. "Don't remember the whole thing, just this part: 'I cannot count the sands or search the seas, Death cometh, and I leave so much untrod.'"

Oh. Nick moved closer, bumping their arms together. "Hey, listen to me. You made it. Death might've been coming, but you know what? He had to turn back around and split, because you defeated him."

Cody turned to look a Nick, gaze just as intently searching as the one he'd bestowed upon the ocean. "And yet it's still untrod," he murmured.

"What?"

Maybe it was just his imagination, but Cody seemed to lean forward — and then he abruptly stepped back, shaking his head. "Sorry," he said, voice sounding oddly strangled, "but I think it's better if you just go back to bed."

It hurt, the knowledge that he wasn't wanted. That Cody didn't want him around. Hurt like hell, truth be told, but he wasn't about to deny Cody's request. If that was what he wanted, then that was what he would get.

So Nick nodded and went back to their stateroom, where he lay and stared at the wall for thirty minutes until Cody came back down. It took another thirty for his breathing to even out, at which point Nick rolled around.

He watched Cody until sleep claimed him, too.

\----

By the time they were finishing up breakfast, Nick had decided. Murray was talking a mile a minute — some new program for the Roboz — and barely had time to eat.

As soon as he left the galley Nick turned to Cody. "Let's talk," he said.

Cody tensed, eyes flickering away and refusing to meet Nick's gaze. "About what?"

For a second Nick thought about saying something else, anything at all, except for what he was about to.

"Nick?"

"Listen, man. I get it. Coming so close to death can make you... re-evaluate your life," Nick said, swallowing. Each word felt like it was being torn from his throat. "If you want to make changes, I'll understand. Want me to leave, give you more space, all you gotta do is tell me. Whatever you need, Cody."

There was a flash of frustration in Cody's eyes, anger even, and then Nick found himself shoved against the wall, Cody's body pressed against his own. Cody's hands were fisted in the front of his shirt, somehow pulling him in even closer.

"I'm sorry," Nick started, feeling horrible. It hadn't just been about wanting him to hightail it; it was worse than that. Cody _hated_ him now, hated Nick for having failed him and letting him come so close to dying. Nick shut his eyes. Whatever Cody felt like doing to him, he had it coming.

Lips, against his own, were the very last thing he'd expected. His eyes flew open, but before he could get his brain in gear and respond — respond to the kiss, because that was what Cody was doing, _kissing_ him — Cody had stepped back.

The galley was cramped, so it wasn't as if he could move far, but Nick still acutely felt the loss. "Cody," he began, not knowing what he was going to say beyond that.

"Wait." Cody put up a hand, keeping him at bay. "Before you say what you gotta say, just — just let me explain."

What exactly did Cody think he was about to say? "I don't..."

"Listen, dammit! I — I knew I was about to die. In the warehouse. There was this dim knowledge of being about to die, and I thought of all the things I never achieved. Regrets like not getting married and never having fathered a child."

Nick swallowed. He wanted to reassure Cody, tell him there was still plenty of time — it was nothing he hadn't said before, after all. But now? After Cody had kissed him? He wasn't sure he could.

"All those things, those regrets, they didn't _matter_ , Nick. It all felt hollow to me. I knew they were things I was supposed to have accomplished in life, but I couldn't find it in me to really care. And because of that, it didn't really faze me that I was dying. If that was what I was missing out on, then to hell with it, you know?"

"No, Cody, hey," Nick tried, horrified. But Cody just shook his head, silently urging him to keep quiet.

"But see, then you came into focus, and it was like someone had thrown a bucket of water in my face. Your eyes were frantic and I could hear your voice, far off, actual words impossible for me to pick out. You were pressing your lips together, the way you always do when you're trying not to cry, and it hit me then, that what I truly regretted was never having kissed you."

Nick could only stare. His heart was racing, and he felt jittery. It was like he'd woken up in some alternative reality — one he'd longed for with all of his heart, but had wisely forced himself to stop dreaming about many, many years ago.

Cody's lips curved into a bitter smile. "Yeah, that's what I thought."

"Huh?"

"That's why I've been trying so hard not to. I knew it'd ruin everything. So I guess it's my turn to say it now: I'll understand if you want to call it quits."

Nick took a deep breath. He wasn't good with words, and right now it felt like he could barely string two sentences together. But he had to try. "I've loved you for as long as I can remember. Even back in 'Nam, when I first met you, it felt like I'd known you forever. Like you were another part of me. The best part. God, Cody, I thought I'd lost you."

Cody jerked, as if surprised. His eyes were wide as he stared at Nick. "That's my line," he mumbled. "Thought I'd lost you by doing that."

Nick reached out to haul him in for a tight hug. Cody stood perfectly still for a moment, before his shaking arms came up to return the embrace.

"Guess we're both pretty lousy when it comes to talking about our feelings, huh?"

Cody snorted. "No kidding, buddy."

Nick drew back slightly, enough to meet Cody's eyes and give him a grin. "Good thing we have something else to do now, besides talking."

"Oh, that's just too cheesy," Cody said, grimacing.

"Shut up."

"How about you make me?"

Nick gladly rose to the challenge, making that the last thing Cody said for quite a while.

**Author's Note:**

> The line of poetry that Cody quotes is from "Eternities" by G.K. Chesterton.


End file.
